Everyday Rituals – How To Make Them Special

We are all pressed for time. Between the nine-to-five crunch, extra-curricular activities, milestones and big holidays that announce themselves with a hefty dose of commercialism – it’s all too easy to forget the simple but meaningful roles rituals have in our lives.

Far too often we only see rituals as part of our holiday celebrations but there is great value in recognizing them throughout the year. Even the smallest everyday rituals can have considerable power over how our children see their world.

Rituals help ease the stress of transitions like having a new sibling or moving into a different home. Through repetition, rituals also give reassurance to children – adding a sense of confidence or mastery. Family members are often brought together and bonds strengthened.

It doesn’t matter what it is – it could be walking the dog together after dinner, having morning group hugs or the way you tuck your child in at night. Virtually anything can become a ritual. So what is it that turns a routine into a ritual? As far as Crystal and I can figure, it’s the attitude that comes with it. You know, the feeling you get from doing something valuable? It’s not something you do just to get it over with - you truly enjoy it.

We can’t imagine starting our day without a hug from our kids or tucking them in at the end of the day.

Bringing an element of ritual to our daily lives doesn’t mean you have to add more activities to your already packed schedules, it just means being more attentive to things you’re already doing. It’s about slowing down and not taking the moment for granted. Savouring your cup of tea, going for a morning run, or winding down with a long hot bath.

For families, one of the most natural places to start with is at meal time. A ritual might be saying grace or engaging in stories about the best and worst thing that happened in everyone’s day.

Chores are another area that benefit from the calming effects of a ritual. It could be holding a Saturday morning family clean-up to music or simply matching socks with your kids during one of their favourite half hour TV shows. The latter works well in my house. It gives my kids a sense of responsibility and ownership of their belonging plus it provides me with some insight into their TV viewing interests.

Lend a sense of occasion to big chores like a weekly clean-up blitz with a special activity. What about a family brunch, a make-your-own pizza meal or a movie and popcorn night? Sometimes it’s just a matter of including kids in an activity you value and communicating a sense of reverence about the task itself. Think about asking for some help the next time you wash the car or make a fancy ‘Sunday night’ dessert.

Even some of your worst moments can be turned into rewarding ones. If your child is acting out to get your attention or if your children are competiting with each other to win your affections try the individual approach. The benefits may surprise you. By creating a little one-on-one time you create an opportunity to nurture the child in your own special way. And, it doesn’t have to be anything complicated. Go out for a burger, hit a local cycling trail or go to the mall. It’s showing your kids on an individual basis that they’re worth taking the extra time for.

The benefit of everyday rituals comes in their continuity and although the best test of a ritual’s power may be how it stands up to hard times, you still have to remain flexible. As your child gets older you may need to segue from one ritual to another that’s more age appropriate. Rituals like tucking little smiley faces and ‘thinking of you’ notes might be cute for young ones but kids in grade nine will think its pretty lame.

The bottom line is the spirit of everyday rituals creates a bond that defines your relationship with those special someone’s in your life.